The boyfirend I have had for two years

Well before I got back with my sons father D.  I had a boyfriend named Tony.  I loved him with all my heart.  He tried to please me in the beginning any way he could.  Then things shifted.  he would lie about the stupidest things.  He would play mind games with me all the time.  He would scream and carry on like a fool.  He always said he wanted to kill his-self.  Well the son's father came back and stayed with us and needless to say they got into a fist fight.  Which led Tony in jail and still is not out.  But thats another story to be told later.  How do I feel about this is what is messing me up.  Yes we fought all the time but I knew he loved me.  I can say he really loved me until the end.  So I am pulled between two men and what is best for me and my son.  More on this later.

The End Of Twenty Three Years

My Life And The Craziness It Brings.  This will give you a glimpse into my crazy past and present.  I am a 46 year old women been through things most people can't imagine.  I will be telling stories of my life, writing poetry, posting pictures, showing my psychic readings.  Oh yes I did say posting Psychic reading, you see I consider myself a Psychic Medium.  This means I can communicate with spirit on the other side.  I don't feel any spirit is trapped let me say that right off the rip.  Spirit is light, how can light be trapped?  Hopefully with my stories and poems you can feel my emotions and enjoy the story of my life.  Even though all parts are not so happy and furry.  I found you just have to keep on going.  What don't kill you in my case literally will make you stronger.  We'll for tonight I have ran the love of my life out of my life for good being OCD about him touching my things, and putting them away where I wouldn't put them.  I can stand things shoved under beds in th basement, or wherever they can be shoved.  So he is done with me and I can't really blame him.  I am a messed up person.  But whats really messed up is when we were younger he had severe issues and I stood by him like a rock.  Now the shoe is on the other foot and he just bails on me.  I really don't blame him I been so Bipolar and bitchy I can't stand myself.  Things in life change and it sucks, what can you do?  Sometimes you have to let go.  He says I pushed him away and no doubt I did.  But he wouldn't respect my craziness.  I try to respect his, you see he is OCD.  But his is different his is cleanliness.  I try not to trash the house knowing he can't mentally deal with it.  I do love him but will not beg for him to stay.  It is what it is.  I figure if someone really loves you they would try to the end of the earth to be with you.  I don't think he loves me in that way.  What's sad is our nine year old son.  This is the first time he really was getting to know him.  He needed a daddy and now when he's gone I know he's gone for good.  That's the first little story for you all in my Little Crazy Life.  Pain is something I have got very used to.  I have almost become a master at hiding  it.  I can act like everything is going along fine when my world is crumbling around me.  And most of the time it's my fault, due to my self fulfilled prof-icy.  I guess I don't feel I deserve to be loved in this way or any way.  If you want to get to the root of that issue it's probably because my father abandoned me.  My mother had severe depression issues and neglected me.  But those are other stories of my life.  I'll get to them later.